Independent Woman Syndrome: what should be the place of women in the 21st Century?

She is not your average woman who is glued to the common dotted apron, with a spatula in one hand, and a new born child clustered in the other, who is exhausted by a hard day of domestic chores and now is too tired to cook. She is confident, successful and highly intelligent. She walks gracefully with an air of purpose around her. Her attractive smile compliments her picturesque beauty, and her professional adornment commands the respect of all those she passes. She is not restricted to the confines of household chores, nor is she inclined to be. She sits at the head of a highly lucrative business that has established her as a wealthy person, who is not looking to a man for her sustenance. This is not your typical stay at home wife, no she is not. This is the modern woman who has established herself as a figure of independence.

The presence of women in the corporate world has become very pronounced. The once masculine dominated society has now seen the feminine allure of women. This has left many with mixed feeling and reactions, which has led to gender inequalities, gender discrimination and sexism all caused by the insecure sting of male chauvinism. However, while these postulations by male chauvinists are wrong, women have gone to another extreme of convincing themselves of their independence of men. Well, before I am cursed and stoned, let me explain this position. The case of the typical independent woman suggests that men are no longer needed for their financial existence, but while this is not wrong in itself, others have gone further and have suggested that men are not needed for their very existence. They reckon that they are independent of the existence of men, well is it not that which is implied by the word ‘independent woman?’ While I empathize with the case of women being treated unfairly in many circles, I am concerned by the positions of many so called independent women. Women who believe that they don’t need men even to have children, all they need to do is to have artificial insemination; to them I ask, where will you get the sperms from?

I am careful to scrutinize the word independent, because it has significant bearing on our perception of life. Humans are interdependent beings, which suggests, we are mutually dependent on each other for our existence. If there is a being that is independent it would be God, whose existence is not contingent on anything to exist. When we run with such a heavy word ingrained in our understanding of ourselves, it will indeed shape our actions to live out that which is defined by the word. Therefore, I believe that the problem of the positions of many so called independent women is in the very phrase by which they live, which indeed is paradoxical.

A major problem that arises with independent women, whom I think best to refer as career driven or career oriented women, is their treatment of family and career. I strongly believe that both men and women play a vital role in the family, and when one is being dysfunctional it severely affects the vitality of the family unit. Let me hasten to say that many men have failed miserable in this area. However, there is a new trend with some career oriented women who are placing their careers over family. The added work to become successful and the need to acquire material possession have left the family being deprived of love and nurture. A significant portion of career oriented women are less concerned about the needs of their spouse and children, and are more concerned about making an impact on the corporate world. This has left many husbands and children with a bitter taste from the action of their wives and mothers. Not Easily Broken, a novel by Tele Evangelist T D Jakes that was dramatized on the big screen presents an excellent scenario with a wife who was too career oriented, career centred, and materially engorged that she failed to be a wife to a husband who was crying out for her affection. A pointed question was placed to the husband, when asked, who took care of his home? To which he easily answered, “I Do.” But when he was asked, “who took care of you?” he left puzzled and frantic knowing full well he never had an answer to the question.

Now, I do believe that women play a significant role in both the work place and the home. There should be no dichotomy between the two. Women need men as much as how men need women. The independent woman syndrome is a malignant cell that can grow to unprecedented feat if left unexamined. I think the issue is not with women becoming liberated and successful in the society, I do believe that it’s now an issue of balance. How will they rightly balance the roles they have to fulfil? Should they abandon the role of wife and cling to only their careers? Have they reached a new era in existence that men are no longer needed for their holistic happiness? Since the inception of artificial insemination and vibraters can women now forsake men? Is the place of men in the lives of women still necessary? And is it at all right for a woman to place her career over her family? These are some grappling questions we have to consider as we reflect on what should be the place of women in the 21st century.